Plans for the Future

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”


As a teenager I actually believed this. I felt that God had big plans for my future and I dreamed of making an amazing impact in the world around me. I’m sure much of what I envisioned had more to do with me making my mark than it did with me glorifying God. But my intentions seemed honorable to me at the time. I forged ahead on a ministry path and put aside other goals and life ambitions in pursuit of what I believed was going to release great potential.


I still believe that God has plans for me. But somewhere along the path of dreaming my future and actually living the daily nuts and bolts of life, I lost my passions. Adult life became weighted with the mundane tasks of responsibility. One baby became two, then I had four. Babies became toddlers, and the days seemed to blend together in the endless chaos of diapers, messes, nap schedules, and tantrums. I tried to maintain part-time work and part-time church responsibilities and balance those with the demands of mothering, but often felt the weight of failure in both arenas. I wanted to be that amazing person that I had dreamed God wanted me to be, but struggled with the depressing reality that I was just average and not really making much of an impact at all. Finances were difficult and ministry doors kept closing. The stress of life seemed overwhelming.


I’m not saying these things to complain, only to address the process I was in for many years and how I’ve grown since then. Somewhere in the past couple years, my focus has shifted. Instead of viewing life as a destination, I began to embrace the journey (cliche, I know!). Instead of being in pursuit of what God had called me to be, I began to pursue Him. Instead of me needing to make my mark, I began to put others’ needs ahead of mine and truly serve. Many things added together to make this subtle shift. It was not in one divine moment of inspiration that I chose to live differently. It was just the natural process of maturing and growing in my relationship with the Lord.


I still have big dreams. I still want to shift a culture for the glory of the King. However, my focus is in a different place and I feel that it has released the weight of stress from me. Some days are still hard and long, but I don’t have the same expectations that my immaturity thrust upon me. So, my new year’s resolution has less to do with a list of things to accomplish, but rather a simpler approach to living: find my margins, reclaim my passions, and truly release the potential that God has placed within me. Since this is vague in implementation, I have a few things I’m going to do to start: read more; blog and journal to track my progress; spend more time in His presence; invest in others; and, finally, intentionally spend more time in the areas where I am passionate.


I pray that in the next year I can see how God’s plans for me have less to do with me and everything to do with the dreams of His heart.